Monday, February 17, 2014


You definitely know when I am working…because I have no time to write!

What a week it has been! I am trying to refocus on my diet and trying to be very careful with counting my calories. It’s easy to get lazy and just swipe a finger through the peanut butter, the unfortunate thing however is that a single swipe can be 120+ calories! Yikes! So even though it’s very tempting not to weigh out my portions I’m trying to be diligent about it. This past week I cooked several meals ahead of time for work. I really enjoyed being able to grab them out of my fridge and go; so I’m going to work on preparing meals ahead of time, especially when it comes to preparing my work lunches!!

I have so much on my mind and so much that I want to share but a comment that was made to me the other day has had me thinking. Someone said, “You’re doing great losing weight, that must make it easier to love your body!” Now I know this comment was said in the most innocent manner and without any harm intended. But it made me think…why do we feel that we can only love ourselves when we are at a certain weight? This doesn’t even have to apply to weight. I’ve heard people say they won’t truly be happy or satisfied until they have a certain job, make so much money, get married and have so many children…you get the picture.

This past week especially I have been questioning my motives behind my weight loss. I’ve been doing this because if I don’t have something worth fighting for then it will never last. I’ve already shared some of my history with you and I have to daily remind myself of those things. I’m losing weight so I can be the healthiest version of me, so I can be an example, so I can no longer be the abused or the victim, so that I can forgive myself, so I can stand up for myself. So when the comment that I mentioned was said to me it got me thinking…when is it okay to love yourself?

If someone were to ask me 10 things that I dislike about myself I could list them in an instant. On the other hand, if you asked me to list 10 things about myself that I love my most likely response would be, *stare into space* *silence* *sheepish half-grin* and then the words, “uhhh….”

What do we have to do to prove to ourselves and show that we are worth being loved, and not just loved by the individuals around us, but by ourselves too! I am going to share a little of what is on my heart. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior, he sent his Son to die on the cross to die for my sins because he loves me! Even as the imperfect, obese, failure that I have seen myself as in the past. He loves me…and HE loves every man and woman, boy and girl that walk the face of this earth. For that reason alone do I know that we all deserve to love ourselves regardless of where we are in our lives. There is no right time to choose to love yourself because the time is now. The time is now! We need to forgive ourselves, except that we are human and imperfect, except that there will be days, weeks when we don’t eat what we should, when we don’t make it to the gym, when we don’t lose a single pound or we even gain back some of the weight…

Now I know I’m getting deep but I have been struggling with this all week. In the past when looking in the mirror all I would see was disgust and frustration…now I’m looking and I’m seeing possibility and triumph. Last week all I saw was a failure when I didn’t lose a pound…this week I see determination and forgiveness. Last week I only saw how far I had to go…this week I see how far I’ve come and I’m so proud.

This is a life long journey and if I can’t love myself along the way then it is all in vain. So I am starting by listing 10 things that I love about me:

11)    I love that I am on this journey
22)    I love that I am tall and have blue eyes
33)    I love that I can run longer and faster each day
44)    I love the way that I feel after I exercise
55)    I love finding the strength in me I didn’t know I had
66)    I love the fact that I smile…a lot!
77)    I love that I am a nurse
88)    I love being a sister, a friend, a daughter, and a granddaughter
99)    I love that I found pants that don’t chafe when I workout (hehehe)
110)I love that I get to learn something new each day
111)*bonus* I love that I started this blog, the friends that I have to share in the struggles of this journey, and the words of love, encouragement, and support everyone has shown!
112)*one more bonus* I love that each day that I commit to exercise and healthy eating that regardless of what the scale reflects I am making positive changes and lasting effects in my life!
113) *okay just one more* I love that my resting HR is 45!!! Super awesome, just a few months ago it was 70's!!

Oh yeah!!!

How about you? I challenge you do list 10 things (you don’t have to share with me…take some time for yourself) and really take the opportunity to love on yourself! I can love on someone until I’m blue in the face, but if they don’t love themselves, they will never understand or fully appreciate the love I have to give!

Okay, so thanks for putting up with my rant…here’s a picture of me and my sister before I went for my run…I told her that when I got back I would wring out my headband with the sweat I collected, I don’t think she believed me. When I got home and squeezed about ½ cup (yes I measured) of sweat she was thoroughly disgusted and I was thoroughly proud of myself (mostly proud for being able to disgust my little sister…oh the love of an older sister!!)

"is this thing on?"

About to soak that headband in sweat!!!

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