Monday, December 29, 2014

White Christmas

I don’t think I shared that I was going to Florida for Christmas…so if you didn’t know before, well, now you do! I got to fly out here Christmas Eve and go home tomorrow (technically today), Monday. I have enjoyed every minute that I’ve been here and am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be out here with my sister and her awesome family! When I got out here Wednesday afternoon I had told Erika to wait to go for a run until after I had gotten in so that I could go with her. Unfortunately my flight was delayed getting into Florida so by the time we ate, got home, changed, and headed out for our run it was dark out…but I think I found a new Christmas tradition that I need to start…running on Christmas eve! There were so many Christmas lights up and people driving all over checking out the lights with their loved ones. It was really perfect, well, until I started to slow down because of the awful gas pain and cramps that I started to get. I had to ask Erika to take me to a pit stop so I could relieve myself of the awfulness going on inside of my body. We totally hit up a movie theater where I proceeded to wreck their toilet! Erika said she will never be able to drive that theater without thinking about our stop there…I have that effect ;) Hehehe…Thankfully we didn’t have any trouble using their bathroom and all was so much better after I had eliminated my bowels. Afterwards we were able to proceed on our Christmas Eve Run and enjoy some more lights…we even got to snap a picture next to a snowman….in Florida…imagine that ;) We ended up running a 10k that evening!

Christmas 10K with Erika!!
Christmas day was so beautiful out here. After our morning together we decided we wanted to go check out the beach and throw around a Frisbee, football, and play a little volleyball. Erika and I did what any rational adult would do…and we ran to the beach. We enjoyed a 5-mile run to the beach. It’s such a cute/fun town to run through and I really enjoyed our outing out to the beach. I didn’t know that I was actually in for a white Christmas this year…and I couldn’t have imagined a prettier day. We threw the football and Frisbee around for awhile…then after a little while I gave up because I’m quite awful when it comes to those two sports…so Erika and I played some volleyball…which I’m also quite terrible at but thoroughly enjoy because it’s so much fun. After a while Drew and his best friend decided they were going to jump into the Gulf…and I decided it was way too beautiful of a day to not take advantage of the opportunity. So what did I do? I totally ripped off my shirt and jumped into the Gulf in my running capris and sports bra. Yeah, a year ago that would not have happened. When I was looking at the pictures later…that Erika had taken I was surprised to hear myself say, “I LOVE MY BODY!” Yeah, there’s loose skin, there’s still fat, there’s stretch marks, it’s not perfect…but it’s mine…and it is capable of more than I could’ve ever imagined. It was a great Christmas!

Check out that beautiful view!! 

Ander getting his run on! You can also see Andrik, me, Drew, and Andrew in the background!

Can't forget to get your hands in the sand!! Erika and Ander!

Running to shore! 

Hand-in-Hand with my little man...Andrik!

Enjoying the general splendor

The sight, sound, smell, feel...truly the hand of God is with us wherever we go

Yeah...that's me...laying on the my sports bra...who would've thought?

Who has the cutest nephews? This girl!!

Erika, Andrik, and Ander

Hahaha...we're related..can you tell?

Friday I had consumed my entire days worth of calories by about noon and told Erika I was going to need to run. The boys had to go to Lowes and they let me tag along on their endeavor and Erika met up with us on the run when we were about a third of the way into it. It was 3 miles to Lowes and then Erika and I decided to run back home, instead of ride home with mom who had come to pick us up after our run. We took the scenic route home so that ended up being 4 miles more for a total of 7 miles! On our run back home there was a segment where we had to run in the grass alongside the main road because there aren’t any sidewalks or enough shoulder to run on. The sun was so bright as we ran towards the west horizon but something crazy that we were able to see because of the sun was the ridiculous amount of spider webs that are in the grass! There were literally spider webs everywhere around us…I never knew/realized how many spiders there are on the roadside!

Me and my beautiful sister...Got sun?!
Yesterday Erika and I had decided that we were going to go on the longest run either of us had ever been on…15 miles! We planned to run from her house to a delicious little eatery here called Tucker Duke’s! So we set out on our run. Our goal was to run at a 12-minute mile pace. The first 5 miles were great…but I don’t know what happened at mile 5 except I just suddenly felt like I was being physically held back and not allowed to run. I felt like the competitors you’ll see on weight loss programs where they start to cry, stop, lay down, and throw hissy fits. I kept telling myself how ridiculous I was being and that I needed to pull it together…but I couldn’t. A) I felt like I was physically just being held back B) All that I could hear was, “you can’t do this” C) I couldn’t snap out of it. Erika kept telling me, “You can do this!” “You are stronger than you believe!”  “You can do this!” I wanted to scream and say, “NO I CAN’T!” But little does she know her words gave me enough strength to say, “yeah I can” even as that voice in my head kept saying, “no way, you can’t do this, you won’t finish, you suck!” I’d like to say this only continued for 2 miles…but no, it lasted until about mile 14.7 where I literally told Erika, “Let’s finish this Mother Fucking Run!” (sorry for the swear words…but you would’ve said it too) and we finished our run! 12:57 minute/mile was our pace and looking back I’m actually really surprised it was even that because it was a hard run…but even more than that I’m so proud. I never would’ve thought I could do a 15-mile run a year ago…and I’m so thankful Erika was there to run it with me because she literally kept me going!

Pre-Run! Feeling like this is a great idea!

Still thinking this 15-miles is a great idea

Acquiring Satellite on my GPS!

And we're off!

Yeah...we're really doing this aren't we?

Well, Ready or not here we go......

And then....15 miles later....

Still smiling!!! WE DID IT!!

15-Miles later...yeah baby!! 

Dry clothes make for happy women after our run!

Today I did not go on a run…we all played NURF guns outside in the front yard where I totally sweat more than I did on the 15-mile run because of the humidity. I didn’t even care though because it was so much fun! I got to eat a crap-load of smoked meat by Drew!! Then this evening I had some much needed girl time with my sister, mom, and Erika’s good friend, Haylee! I have been blessed so much by my sister, her family, children, and friends. My heart feels like it could explode with the love others have poured into me…and it could not have come at a better time. I want to put behind the past and move forward. I want to heal and allow the scar to form. I want to forgive and learn to not necessarily forget but be able to put everything into perspective and be okay with where I am. So with that said I’m working on my next blog post…so you’ll be hearing more soon. Until then enjoy all the pictures I have to share…I know there’s a lot…but it has been such a wonderful time! It's going to be hard to say I won't think about that now. Time to get some sleep and cross my fingers to catch a sunrise...but it's supposed to rain in the we'll see how it really goes! ;)

Monday, December 22, 2014

Weigh-In...dusting off!

I'm glad to say that the scale and I are talking to each other this week...202 was my weight. That puts me down 3.6 pounds this week which I'm very happy with! I huge internal victory for to stay on track and get to onederland..I'm sick of the 200's! 

Today at work was a little it's not uncommon for people to come up and say, "the shrinking woman!" or "you're just withering away" and so on and so forth. I don't's an opportunity to share my story with people and of course, if you hadn't guessed by now, I kind of like sharing my story. So today one of our physicians came up to me and said, "so I hear you've lost a significant amount of weight...tell me about it" I told her that as of today I've lost 118 pounds and at my highest weight I was 320 and now I'm at 202 and want to lose at least 32 more pounds. Then of course she asked me how I did it and wanted to know if I had done surgery...when I told her I just did it the old fashioned way she came around and gave me a big hug and said, "you need to share your story with everyone" to which I said, "I have a blog for that!" Hahaha! Another coworker told me that she didn't remember me ever being so which I say, "I DO!" How quickly we forget where we've been, where we're going, and what it took to get where we're at. I believe it's fair for me to say that this weight loss journey is a hell of a journey...but I wouldn't trade it for the world. It has taught me that one situation does not define our future, one set back does not dictate where we can go, and we fall, get kicked, pushed, or tripped and otherwise knocked down...but all that matters is that we get back up. 

I'm just now standing up from my latest knock down...but I'm just glad it was a knock down and not a knock out...if that makes sense. My heart is healing and eventually I'll be able to share my story but all that you need to know right now is I am not defeated! Sometimes even taking it one day at a time is too minute by minute, moment by moment, and hour by hour it's a conscious decision to keep moving forward, remind myself that I AM WORTH IT, and surrounding myself by people who know that and remind me of it when I don't believe it. So when you've been knocked's okay if you have to lay there for a while...but don't stay down!

Saturday I got to run the NM farolito trail of lights 5k and finished 3.16 miles in 33:58:9 according to my Garmin, it wasn't chip timed. One of my friends, Shawna, who works in the OR at the hospital with me was running it with several of her friends...they were kind enough to let me tag along with them! I was able to keep up with them until about the last 0.4 miles where they totally kicked some asphalt and crushed it! It was a lot of fun...although I spent a good amount of the time watching my step to make sure I didn't totally eat the asphalt. Here are a few pictures of that evening:

Pre Run: Me, Shawna, Paula, Rodger

Post Run!! Yeah!!!

Totally stole this picture from google...but this give you an idea of
what the run looked like...only not so lit up...and way more people!

There were a ton of people at this event, I was really excited about that! It was freezing cold initially before we began but once we got going it was the perfect running weather! I was worried I may have dressed too warm but it ended out being perfect! 

This is all I've got for now, time to head to bed because I get to work in the morning and then head to Florida Wednesday morning to spend Christmas with my darling sister, Erika, Drew, my amazing nephews, and momma who is out in Florida for a bit! So until next time...keep your head above water!

Monday, December 15, 2014

Weigh In: and a little bit of real talk!

205.2 is what my darling scale said today. Yeah, we're not on talking terms right now...however, me and the bag of m&m's have been on talking terms all week long...clearly! So it's very clear I have some things I need to deal with because my emotional eating has been off the charts these past couple weeks...and I have a half written blog about it all...but I don't want to deal with it so it's staying there in my drafts until I'm ready to hash it out. 

It's not funny but I feel in a way like I'm back at the starting point. And honestly in a way I am mentally. I'm not quitting, I'm just learning how to move on and this has been one of those times where I really need to learn to do something other than eat when my emotions get the best of me. Have any of you seen the weight watchers commercial about emotional eating? If you haven't you should...Just about every time I've seen it I've been on my couch A) eating m&m's B) eating chips or C) drinking a glass of wine and eating popcorn with m&m's mixed in the bag. Yeah I wish I was kidding but I'm not. Here's the link to the commercial if you haven't seen it: Emotional eating in a nutshell! Ha! I'd eat that too if I could!

Today I dragged my booty out of my apartment and went for a 4.5 mile run and that was the best thing I could've done for myself. I've made it through today without binge eating (I'm literally going to jump into my bed after I'm done writing this so I don't have a chance to screw today up). I'm going to have to start taking each moment as it comes and really think about what and why I'm putting in my mouth. 

I will share with you all, eventually...but some things really suck...and they suck even more to share with the world. I know it'll be good when I do share it because I feel it will help a whole lot of people out there...but I have to help myself first. So until then, hang in there with me as I try to get myself together and get back on track...after all...I have a goal to meet and determined that nothing will stop me, even a few backslides and round kicks to the face...I can take it...and I will come out stronger because of it all. 

Oh! This week was not all a bust...I had a PR at my 5K!! I ran it in a 10:42 pace. I'm enjoying watching myself get faster and being able to push myself harder...just because I haven't been eating like I should doesn't mean I have been slacking on my running...could I be doing better? Yes, but I've been getting my 3-4 runs in each week. This week I'm going to try to do at least 3 runs and 2 cross-training days! That always works well for prayers are much appreciated this week and a slap of the hand if I go to reach for some chocolate...I did some serious purging of junk food tonight from my house...can't have any crap around at this point!

Haha...I just had to include this picture because my face is too epic not to share with the world! Just saying!

And...I had my work Christmas party this weekend and got to wear my clearance dress from Anthropology again!! Oh how I love this dress! I feel fierce, beautiful, and unstoppable in it...hey maybe I'll start running in it?!  So here's the last picture of the night...I'll write again soon...

Lucky for my coworkers the party fell on my shower day! ;)

Monday, December 8, 2014


Well it has been a busy few weeks...I have a super deep and meaningful blog post that will somewhat explain things...but I haven't completed it and so I'm just writing a quick update to let y'all know how things are going. Today I weighed in at I have gained a couple pounds. I could be upset about this but there's more behind the weight gain that'll be addressed in a later blog post. Needless to say my emotions have not been my friend and I've ended up doing a lot of emotional eating these past few weeks but as I've said there'll be more to come on that.

I didn't do as much running last week since every evening after I got off of work I came home to write/edit/re-write my final paper for my BSN! Thankfully I made it through the week...and I have completed my BSN! YAY! Such a relief to be able to mark that off of my list. Now I'm just waiting for my grades to be posted. If I get an A in this last class that means I get to graduate with honors!! :D Yes, I'm a nerd like that. What did I do to celebrate graduating? The only reasonable thing I could think of: I went to eat frost and try on ridiculous rompers with Amanda...try not to be jealous:

Ready to make a workout video with Richard Simmons!

So what am I going to do with all this extra free time on my hands?! Well, for starters I went for a run today. I got a little side tracked en route to go I ended up meeting my sister first at Anthropologies, Lululemon, Frost, and Williams Sonoma; I mean, who doesn't love those places?! Then I stopped at the Eye Dr. Office to try to decide on a new pair of glasses...and of course I found 3 that I love and couldn't decide on one and so I just walked away before irrationally buying all three pairs!! By the time I had made all my little detours the sun was starting to set..but I had predetermined earlier to go for a run...and I'm glad I did. This run was one of the most freeing, peaceful and relaxing runs I have ever been on. The last mile was simply a blessing from God..I was given such peace and calmness it overwhelmed me. All I could hear was the sound of my breathing, my feet on the pavement, and the runners/bikers around me. It was simply amazing...I think my pace on my last mile speaks for itself! 


Avg Pace

Even though it was pitch black by the time I had finished I was so glad that I went out and ran! Here was my after picture:

Status post awesome run

Well, I will be sharing more later but I've got to get some shut eye now...oh, hey, real quick! I'll leave you all with a picture of me over the weekend. So me and dresses have had a difficult relationship in the know, I try them on, they look awful, I try on 5 more, they look even worse, I try one more and then decide I would rather walk outside naked then in the dresses I just tried on. Okay, I may be exaggerating just a bit, but I haven't ever been a real fan of how dresses look on me...until now! I was at Anthropology the other day (you may be gathering my love and admiration of this store by now) and saw a dress on the clearance rack and decided, "what the heck?! I'll give it a go!"...well boy am I glad that I did because it actually looked A) I bought a dress from Anthropologies B) I wore the dress in public C) I even wore some heels...yeah that's right, this girl got crazy! Without further to's my little forest green (ish) dress:

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thankful doesn't even begin to describe it...

One year ago I was 300 pounds. I spent last Thanksgiving in Florida after having spent a week in Dallas/San Antonio cheering David on as he crushed (the ridiculously hot/humid) San Antonio Rock 'N Roll Half Marathon. I had lost (and gained) the same 20 pounds over and over going back and forth between 300 and 320 pounds. People always ask me what snapped...or what my catalyst was that caused me to finally decide to lose the weight. I wish I had an extravagant "ahhh ha" moment that I could share with y'all...but the truth is it gradually came on. What I do know, however, is that my trip to Texas/Florida was the turning point for me. I had just watched David run the Half Marathon and was so full of pride, excitement, joy, and jealousy (if I'm being honest). I wanted to know what it felt like to complete something that challenged your body..I wanted to feel pride in myself for accomplishing something few attempt.

Me (300 lbs), David, and Elise after Dave finished his San Antonio Half Marathon!
Then when I went to Florida on Thanksgiving day me, Erika, Drew, my darling nephews, David, and Elise all went on our own Turkey Trot run...I couldn't run then entire way...really I had to walk more than I could run...but my sisters were by my side encouraging me and lifting me up (even though I was so embarrassed that I could hardly run for more than a couple minutes at a time without having to stop and catch my breath). I saw the changes that running had made in my sister, Erika's life...both physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually...and I wanted that for me too. 

I recall a conversation I had with my sister one evening while I was in Florida. She was sitting and I was laying on the couch with my head in her lap and I told her how I just wished I could lose the weight for good...that I was tired of struggling and I wanted to make a change...and not just say it...but really do it. I, of course, started crying. She just held me and told me, "you can, and when you're ready you will!" and she then prayed with me and held me. 

Erika, Elise, and Me (296.7 pounds)

Erika, Me, and David 11/30/13

Then on the drive with David and Elise back to Dallas I opened up to David about my weight and my struggle with my weight. I actually told him how much I weighed! I had weighed myself in Florida and was excited because I was below 300 and at 296.7 pounds! David asked me if I had looked at how many calories I would have to consume on a daily basis to maintain the current weight I was at...which I had..and guess what? I was consuming at least 3,000 calories, daily to maintain the 300 pounds that I was at! We just talked about the mathematical part of weight loss....he said even if I decreased my calorie intake and didn't exercise I could start losing weight.

I had these conversations with my siblings...but I wasn't sure if I believed in myself...but something had changed. I didn't necessarily have to believe in myself...I just had to count my calories and move more. So. I got home from my Thanksgiving vacation and decided that I was going to give it a try...and I started to see the scale decrease. Then I started to do Zumba and then I started to walk...and then I started to run (very very slowly)..and then I walked some more because I was embarrassed of myself when I ran...and then I decided I didn't care what others thought so I ran anyways...and changes started to happen. 

I've said this before and I will say it again..motivation will last only for a fleeting moment. If you're looking for motivation you can find it anywhere and everywhere...but it doesn't last. What does last, however, is determination. You have to decide if you're worth making the changes. You have to decide if this is something that you can live with for the rest of your life...this is not a temporary change, this is not a quick fix...this is a life long deal! I have not made changes to my diet, to my lifestyle etc that I am not okay with living with for the rest of my life. Your friends and family can want you to lose weight...David and Erika wanted me to be successful...they knew I could be successful...but they couldn't do it for me. They could motivate me and encourage me...but they couldn't make my mind up for me to go out and run. They couldn't force me to eat less calories...they couldn't force me to put down the spoon when I was binging on ice cream. I had to decide it all for myself...and that's the biggest challenge when it comes to weight loss. Every day is a struggle. Every day I have to consciously decide to make wise decisions...and when I don't make wise decisions...when I binge or slack off...I have to decide to get back on track.

It's not easy..but what I can say is that thankful doesn't even begin to describe the way it feels when you succeed. I'm beyond thankful for Erika and David for believing in me. I'm thankful for my parents and siblings that have encouraged me, motivated me, and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I'm thankful for the love my friends and family showed me when I didn't love myself. I'm thankful for the hands that have held my hand when I've felt afraid, alone, and frightened. I'm thankful for the tissues that have been handed to me to dry my tears. I'm thankful for the relationship with food I have, it's complicated...but we're working things out! :D I'm so thankful for running and what it has taught me about life. Running has taught me that I'm stronger than I think, that even when I feel like I can't go any farther..I can push and go farther than I could've imagined. Running has taught me that if you're feeling breathless it's probably because you're not breathing...breathe! 

So if you're feeling like you don't think you can tackle whatever you may be struggling with...well I can tell you until I'm blue in the face that you can...and you will...but not until you're ready. Not until you've decided that you are going to...not until you're determined to see it through to the end. So with that being said I'll share some awesome pictures of me and my sisters from this mornings Turkey Trot! It was the perfect morning for a 5k and I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else! The tutus were a hit...we were complimented on them frequently! I'm so proud of Olivia and Amanda for how far they've come. It was also fun today to have my step-sister, Larissa join us on our run today! My dad and his wife also completed the 5k!! It was a wonderful morning! So ready or come the pictures:

Pre-Race: Olivia, Amanda, Me

Less than 0.2 miles left!! Me, Amanda, Larissa, and Olivia

Larissa, Olivia, Amanda, Me!!! <3

Me and my dad...proud of him!

Dad, Laura, Larissa, Me, Amanda, Olivia

Larissa, Me, Amanda, and Olivia!! Good time girls...good time!
Hiney picture!! Hahaha

Sassy Sisters! <3

You know you wanna run with us!

Amanda and the AWESOME Brooks bag of goodies she won!

We may have had a little fun taking pictures this morning!

Selfie time...

Results of the selfie!!

Awesome Amanda

Outstanding Olivia!

Magnificent Maggie 
Marvelous Momma!
Okay I'll stop there with the pictures...not that I don't have more to share...but I know there's only so much that others desire to see! :) I hope you all had a great day with loved ones...I hope you enjoyed the food...enjoyed the company...and enjoyed this post! Happy Thanksgiving! 

*and don't forget how much can change in a year when you put you set your mind to tackle a're stronger than you feel...and you are worth the fight*