Hope

Oh Dallas...how I have missed you! You possess a simply beauty. You house two of my most favorite people in the world. You're where I ran 7 miles straight for the first time without stopping. You're where I realized a bit of my potential. Dallas is where I had my first taste of hope...and my coming now could not have come at a better time! I love being with my brother and sister-in-law...and this year for the Rock 'N Roll I get to share the experience with my two oldest sisters...and my mom will be here to help baby-sit and cheer as we all participate in the half-marathon! I got to fly in this morning while everyone else is on their way driving!! So here's a picture of me and David:

Awe, so sweet!!

My silence has been intentional. I haven't had much to say because I've been too busy finding something to eat instead of write. Since I made it under 200 I have successfully made it back over 200...as a matter of fact Monday I weighed in at 208! Ha! You know, I just wanted to make sure that I indeed despise the 200's and wanted to struggle one last time to get under 200 pounds...again.

The last two weeks I've began each day saying, "today you will not eat away your emotions...you will deal with them...you will not allow stress to rule the day" and then by the end of the day I've consumed about 4,000 calories and have the desire to throw-up everything I've consumed and am filled with the greatest amount of guilt for my poor decision making. I've been trying to remember my mindset, my determination, and my strength because I seem to be regressing and it has to stop now. 

My trip couldn't have come at a better time. Somehow vacations for me are a good time to "pull it together". It's a chance to hit the reset button and remember why I started in the first place. It's easy to feel like a failure and feel sorry for ones self...but I just need to be done with that...and done eating all the chocolate at work! It's easy whenever I get stressed out at work to just go grab a handful of chocolates and stuff them in my face...because that tastes so good...but does it really taste that good? I don't think I've ever eaten a handful of chocolate and said, "Wow! That was such a great way to spend my calories...that was worth the 500 calories I just consumed! Smart choice, Maggie!" No, my response is typically something like, "Dang it...you just consumed half of your days calories and you're still hungry...that didn't even satisfy anything...UGH! Why did I do that? What was I thinking?! ARGGGG!" Now, don't get me wrong. There are times where I've allotted for chocolate or sweets and somehow that is way more rewarding than just stress eating...because of the intention behind the action. 

Anyways, I don't have much else to say on that. I just have to stop talking about it and start doing it. Whenever I'm on vacation I do much better with my eating...as my brother reminds me it's because people are watching! It's so weird because I have been so physically uncomfortable these past couple weeks with my overeating. I don't particularly remember but I think I must have always felt like that when I was at 320! I must have always felt that overwhelmingly full feeling...I had just become so used to it. Now I notice it so much. I get so bloated, my stomach will physically ache, I feel like the food is just sitting in the back of my throat waiting to be thrown up...luckily for me I HATE vomiting, which I'm so thankful because I could easily see how binging and purging could become a problem if I were able to make myself throw up. I just need to deal and confront situations right on instead of avoiding feeling emotions, handling situations, and having uncomfortable conversations. 

Alright...well enough depressing talk. I do have some good news to share. As always physical activity is not my problem. As a matter of fact this past Sunday I got to run a 10k with one of my nursing school friends. She has been a runner for a while and has been so afraid of the 10k distance! She doubted that she could make it that far...even though I knew she would not have any problem whatsoever! She asked me if I would run her first 10k with her...of course I said yes! A year ago I never would've imagined being asked by another runner to run a 10k with them for their first run. I never thought I'd be the person they'd want running with them, let alone be physically capable of running with them. It's the little things like that that I need to remind myself of! 

We finished in 1:09:11...not only did she complete
her first 10k...but I had a PR by 3 minutes!!

So with all of that being said...being here in Dallas has brought me back to that feeling of hope. The reminder that I can, I am, and I will do this! I have a picture I'll share with y'all before I go (sorry for the novel). I took this picture of me when I was at 272 pounds (wearing a size M...which clearly didn't fit) because I wanted to be able to take a picture of me in it when it does fit. I wear a "unisex" size M now and while I don't have a picture of me in that exact shirt, because I've been slacking...I do have a picture of me in another unisex size M shirt and if nothing else I'm posting these for me. Because I need to see where I have been and how far I have come. I need to remind myself that I am not a failure and that a few crummy weeks does not define the overall picture. So...with that being said enjoy and I'll write again as soon as possible!

One-derland!

I've been fighting for this day for far too long. Today my weigh-in left me with a smile on my face! For the first time in ages I saw a 1 at the beginning of my weight! When was the last time I was in the 100's? Probably about 5th grade! I honestly don't remember that last time I was under 200 pounds. Today I weighed in at 198.6!!! I even took a picture (after stepping on and off of the scale about 10 times):

One-derland!!!!

Of all the weeks that I would've thought I'd get below 200...this was not the week I thought it would happen. I took all of last week off from running because of a cold. While I was being way more cautious of what I was eating since I wasn't exercising I never would've thought that I'd lose that much. Last Monday I had actually gained weight putting me at 202.2 so I had gained 1.8 pounds. Now to keep the scale from going back above 200..I don't even want to see that again! 

The Dallas Rock 'N Roll Half Marathon is less than three weeks away! I'm so excited to be headed out there again to log some miles in the beautiful city of Dallas with my family! I was really impressed with how the Rock 'N Roll was put together last year and I'm excited to do it again...and go the full 13.1 miles this time!! 

I ran 5 miles today. It was definitely slower than I would've liked at a 12 minute/mile pace but that's okay. I'm just thankful I was able to get out and do it. It was overcast and beautiful running weather. There weren't that many people out though walking/biking/running...for which I was thankful as I had an abundance of phlegm and was spitting loogie-rockets every couple minutes...no targets to fall victim to my spit ;) Y'all know how good I am at tagging running targets with my spit! 

It has been a while since I've Rosie'd it up! ;)

The day I went below 200 pounds! :D

Well I know that's not the best update...but it will have to do for now until I have more time to write!! I was reminded today on my run that it's not about how fast you run...it's about running the race with endurance and perseverance. We're all covering the same distance. Some faster and more efficiently than others...but what matters is that we never give up, we get up when we fall, and we push on and finish with our heads held high! Have a great week!