I think the answer is where I started at the beginning of this journey. One day at a time. Slowly but surely. Doing today what I can do. I'm not going to run a half marathon today...but I can still run a mile. Albeit, slowly. At the beginning of the month I went and ran 2 miles...some can walk faster than I ran it...but it was my run and I finished.
I know that I am strong and capable. However, right now, I'm allowing myself to feel the gravity of where I am in my journey. I also know that I have more inward work to do when it comes to binge eating and letting food be a source of comfort. Today is the first day in a long time that I have felt a desire to get outside and run. So I'm going to do that. It feels like fall and that's my favorite time to be outside running. So I'm going to go and as long as it takes, I will run a mile or two. I will start using myfitnesspal again and being conscious of the amount of calories I'm consuming.
I feel overwhelmed with the amount of work that is ahead of me. I think that has been another aspect holding me back. I know how hard I have to work to see success on the scale. I'm not putting a number goal out there..because this time it's more than just reaching a number...it's about reaching a state of mind...that doesn't seek food for comfort, that doesn't run away from challenges, that doesn't feel intimidated by what others might think. I want to try new things. I don't want to be held back by the thought that I may not be good at something. I don't just want a physical change...for once in my life I'd like to have a healthy relationship with food. I'd like to be on the same team as food...not against it at the table.
So, while my goals may be a little different then when I first started this journey, how I pick myself back up isn't. I get up and I take one step at a time...one moment at a time...and one day at a time.