|Me (300 lbs), David, and Elise after Dave finished his San Antonio Half Marathon!|
I recall a conversation I had with my sister one evening while I was in Florida. She was sitting and I was laying on the couch with my head in her lap and I told her how I just wished I could lose the weight for good...that I was tired of struggling and I wanted to make a change...and not just say it...but really do it. I, of course, started crying. She just held me and told me, "you can, and when you're ready you will!" and she then prayed with me and held me.
|Erika, Elise, and Me (296.7 pounds)|
|Erika, Me, and David 11/30/13|
Then on the drive with David and Elise back to Dallas I opened up to David about my weight and my struggle with my weight. I actually told him how much I weighed! I had weighed myself in Florida and was excited because I was below 300 and at 296.7 pounds! David asked me if I had looked at how many calories I would have to consume on a daily basis to maintain the current weight I was at...which I had..and guess what? I was consuming at least 3,000 calories, daily to maintain the 300 pounds that I was at! We just talked about the mathematical part of weight loss....he said even if I decreased my calorie intake and didn't exercise I could start losing weight.
I had these conversations with my siblings...but I wasn't sure if I believed in myself...but something had changed. I didn't necessarily have to believe in myself...I just had to count my calories and move more. So. I got home from my Thanksgiving vacation and decided that I was going to give it a try...and I started to see the scale decrease. Then I started to do Zumba and then I started to walk...and then I started to run (very very slowly)..and then I walked some more because I was embarrassed of myself when I ran...and then I decided I didn't care what others thought so I ran anyways...and changes started to happen.
I've said this before and I will say it again..motivation will last only for a fleeting moment. If you're looking for motivation you can find it anywhere and everywhere...but it doesn't last. What does last, however, is determination. You have to decide if you're worth making the changes. You have to decide if this is something that you can live with for the rest of your life...this is not a temporary change, this is not a quick fix...this is a life long deal! I have not made changes to my diet, to my lifestyle etc that I am not okay with living with for the rest of my life. Your friends and family can want you to lose weight...David and Erika wanted me to be successful...they knew I could be successful...but they couldn't do it for me. They could motivate me and encourage me...but they couldn't make my mind up for me to go out and run. They couldn't force me to eat less calories...they couldn't force me to put down the spoon when I was binging on ice cream. I had to decide it all for myself...and that's the biggest challenge when it comes to weight loss. Every day is a struggle. Every day I have to consciously decide to make wise decisions...and when I don't make wise decisions...when I binge or slack off...I have to decide to get back on track.
It's not easy..but what I can say is that thankful doesn't even begin to describe the way it feels when you succeed. I'm beyond thankful for Erika and David for believing in me. I'm thankful for my parents and siblings that have encouraged me, motivated me, and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I'm thankful for the love my friends and family showed me when I didn't love myself. I'm thankful for the hands that have held my hand when I've felt afraid, alone, and frightened. I'm thankful for the tissues that have been handed to me to dry my tears. I'm thankful for the relationship with food I have, it's complicated...but we're working things out! :D I'm so thankful for running and what it has taught me about life. Running has taught me that I'm stronger than I think, that even when I feel like I can't go any farther..I can push and go farther than I could've imagined. Running has taught me that if you're feeling breathless it's probably because you're not breathing...breathe!
So if you're feeling like you don't think you can tackle whatever you may be struggling with...well I can tell you until I'm blue in the face that you can...and you will...but not until you're ready. Not until you've decided that you are going to...not until you're determined to see it through to the end. So with that being said I'll share some awesome pictures of me and my sisters from this mornings Turkey Trot! It was the perfect morning for a 5k and I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else! The tutus were a hit...we were complimented on them frequently! I'm so proud of Olivia and Amanda for how far they've come. It was also fun today to have my step-sister, Larissa join us on our run today! My dad and his wife also completed the 5k!! It was a wonderful morning! So ready or not...here come the pictures:
|Pre-Race: Olivia, Amanda, Me|
|Less than 0.2 miles left!! Me, Amanda, Larissa, and Olivia|
|Larissa, Olivia, Amanda, Me!!! <3|
|Me and my dad...proud of him!|
|Dad, Laura, Larissa, Me, Amanda, Olivia|
|Larissa, Me, Amanda, and Olivia!! Good time girls...good time!|
|Hiney picture!! Hahaha|
|Sassy Sisters! <3|
|You know you wanna run with us!|
|Amanda and the AWESOME Brooks bag of goodies she won!|
|We may have had a little fun taking pictures this morning!|
|Results of the selfie!!|
*and don't forget how much can change in a year when you put you set your mind to tackle a challenge...you're stronger than you feel...and you are worth the fight*