Perspective

My brother, David, reminded me that it has been two weeks since I posted anything…and I think he was getting a little antsy to know how it’s going. Well...I suppose I will share how these past few weeks have been. Up until Monday I had been making a series of poor decisions on my part. I haven't wanted to write about it because it makes me feel like a failure, when in reality, it simply makes me human. I get frustrated with myself because you hear of the stories of people who decide they're going to lose weight, they jump on the band wagon, are focused, and don't fall off, binge, or miss a workout regardless of their time, schedule, life etc. Well…as much as I want that to be me…it’s not me! Two weeks ago not only did I consume an abhorrent amount of ice cream and root beer floats at work, I did not run as far as I should've on certain days, my cross-training days were a poor attempt of a workout and all around just a general fail up until Monday. So there. It's been said. It is no surprise then that my weigh in 6/27/13 was 238.8...yes +3.8 lbs. If it wasn't for the fact that so many are watching/reading I would admit to my throwing a temper tantrum, stomping my feet, crossing my arms, and glaring at myself in the mirror in a vain attempt to take back those momentary lapse in judgment...but I would never admit that here, of course. 

However, I did not go through it all without learning a lesson. I learned that it’s easy to backslide to old habits. It’s easy to make up excuses to not make it to the gym or to skip a run…but what isn’t easy is getting back on track, facing the scale and realizing you’ve made some big mistakes. I realized that I went back to using food to comfort me, even if it was just for a fleeting moment, it also helped me keep my mouth shut, it aided in my stifling pain and emotions that I was too scared to share with anyone. I was using food as a defense mechanism rather than a source of nutrition and nourishment.

I kept waking up each day and saying, “today is a new day and It I can do it today”…. and then I’d reach for the bag of chips. I kept telling myself, “I can make it through this day” and then I’d find any excuse to not workout. Then Monday I decided that I was going to stop being all talk and start walking the walk. This week I’ve been back on track and my efforts have paid off. Today I weighed in at 234.4 so I lost 4.4 pounds this week!

I have the proof of my running! Tuesday on my 4-mile run I felt a hot spot on my left little toe…by the time my run was done I knew I had a blister. I got home and saw this:

This picture does not do this blister justice...also this was the
first day, it's not about twice the size as it is in this picture!

I also took this picture Saturday after my 6-mile run…yes, that’s a bug on my forehead…but it was a good run!! J

I am finally taking advantage of my free gym membership to Defined Fitness. After work on Tuesday and Thursday I went and I ran even though everything within me wanted to go home and sleep. Thursday was a busy day at work and all I could think about is how much better I would feel after I ran…it was nice to feel that way again! Eating is such a challenge. Every day I’m faced with the desire to overindulge and eat way more than I need! I don’t think it will ever get easy, I think I will continue to struggle…but the friendships, encouragement, and the feeling I get after I run makes it worth the struggle.

I am excited that I get to see my sister, Erika on Thursday! I get to go visit her for 10 days in Florida! I love being with her…and she’s always encouraging and motivating! I can’t wait to run with her! J The last time she saw me I was 296.7 pounds! I am 62 pounds lighter from the last time she saw me!!

So what do I hope you get out of this blog? Weight loss is not easy! Every day is a struggle. There will be setbacks! Some days you want to throw in the towel…but the journey is worth it. Gaining 3, 5, 10 pounds doesn’t mean you’ve failed…it just means you have to decide whether or not you want to stay on the path or get back on track. After this week I realize how vital running/cross-training is to my weight loss journey. I cannot possibly burn/consume few enough calories to lose the amount of weight that I want to without exercising. Sure I could strict my calorie allotment to 1,200 calories…but that really sucks! I have also realized this week that the more I workout the less I want to binge and overindulge. Working out helps me control my cravings…or at least it puts everything into perspective for me. I can A) consume 500 + calories in a matter of seconds if not careful or I can B) Burn 500 + calories in an hour and see results on the scale! Regardless the choice is up to me!

So this is where I'm at: (I couldn't decide which picture I liked more so you get both...you lucky duck you!)