Tuesday, December 5, 2017

The Start of Something New

What have I been doing since my last blog post? Nothing significant in regards to my weight loss journey. I've been working, I went on vacation, and I have been finishing up my semester of school (one more year until I complete my MSN)! So what is my weight? Well, this evening it was 311.6. I've been doing a lot of evaluating and thinking about personal goals...and honestly I just feel overwhelmed and like I have no idea where to start.

I have been trying to eat more meals at home...I've done a lot better with meal prepping my food for work and not eating from the cafeteria...however, there's still more progress that needs to be made in that area. While I have been eating more meals at home, I still have been eating portions that are larger than what I really need. My best friend, Patrice, has been encouraging me to look into weight watchers...since I would be able to go to weekly meetings and have weigh-ins and accountability. Honestly, I'm signed up for weight watchers and have been since 2015. I am signed up for weight watchers for free (essentially) through my employer, all I have to do is pay taxes on it. I signed up initially online in 2015 but never downloaded the app or went to any meetings. A part of the reason... the complete reason why I haven't gone is ego.

It's silly that my ego has stopped me from so many things. I have gained a lot of confidence in myself over the years but I still lack a lot of confidence overall. My ego/pride/lack of confidence stem from a fear of being looked down on, disgusting others, failing others and myself, not being able to do something...the list goes on and on. I'm realizing I need to be a little more humble...because if I continue on the path I'm on I know the next number I'll see is 320 (my highest weight) and beyond.

Rosemary Beach & approximately 311 pounds


So what am I going to do?

In August, Patrice bought a Groupon for my birthday to Crossfit 91:10. Friday, we went after work and signed up (only because our last day to redeem the deal was the 4th). Today, I completed my first CrossFit workout. Before I tell you about my workout I want to tell you about my feelings/thoughts/imaginings of what would happen when I went.

I took so long to go redeem my deal because I was afraid that CrossFit was for people that are strong mentally and physically; and that if I went I'd be looked down on, a burden, and essentially a joke. I am a strong person. However, lately, I have been feeling both mentally and physically weak. I have allowed my fears (that are completely made up in my worrisome mind) to hold me back. However, I'm being reminded of why I started my weightloss journey in the first place...because being morbidly obese physically hurts your body. My BMI is back to 42.2. UGH!

When I walked into Crossfit 91:10, I was immediately intimidated and insecure, simply because of the fit people that were there. I calmed down when the manager came and introduced herself and was very kind, explanative, and welcoming. However, before my first class I felt fear that I wouldn't know what they were talking about, that I wouldn't be able to keep up, that I would fail and have to leave, the list goes on and on. So I researched on YouTube other individuals' experiences. I looked on Instagram and other social media platforms...and decided that I was just going to give it a try.

I have many friends who do CrossFit and every single one of them loves it. It's actually annoying how much they love it. They talk about how much they love their "box" and how it's such a great community and how they've grown so much since starting CrossFit. Even with all of this positive feedback I was still nervous. My sister, Erika, and other friends have always told me that I need to try it and that they're sure I'd love it....still hasn't made me do it...until today (or technically 12/4).

I loved my first day! It was extremely hard...and even after the "warm-up" I was already dripping sweat and my HR was racing. The trainers (one had to leave early so another came in to relieve her) were so incredible. They knew we (Patrice and I) were new and so they explained everything to us. I felt so included, encouraged, and supported. They showed us modifications, they walked alongside us and answered any questions we may have had. They complimented both me and Patrice on our form. They were really impressed with our squats, they were happy that we knew how to do the "worm" warm-up, they said I was a beast on the row machine, and one of scary things for me...box jumps...they did the coolest thing to help us figure out how to properly jump. The trainer got a 45 lb weight and laid it flat on the floor and showed us proper technique and had both me and Patrice repeat back what he had shown us. We got up to 3 - 45lb weights...so roughly 12"...I am not a jumper and the thought of doing box jumps has had me so scared...I loved the way they did this. Each time we successfully completed a jump he added a weight. Another part that I enjoyed was that this was a smaller class..I know every class won't be like this but the other two were friendly and it was the perfect size first class.

So...I'm giving crossfit a chance. I've always loved bodypump classes and lifting weights and so this is right up my alley. I also love that for women CrossFit has this slogan, "A Better Beautiful," which essentially CrossFit explains this slogans goal is to support women who seek functional fitness and overall health. I'd love to want to start running again...I just don't have that desire right now...functional fitness and overall health sounds good to me. I'll keep y'all posted along the way.

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