Let me
just preface this post by saying readers discretion is advised!! :D
Saturday
March 21, 2015:
I woke up
bright eyed and bushy tailed Saturday morning…and no, I’m not lying about being
bright eyed and bushy tailed…I know it’s hard to believe but occasionally I
enjoy waking up early in the morning!! :D I quickly dressed, drank some coffee,
had a Greek yogurt, tried to expel human waste and instead only had the
pleasure of finding out I had just started my period. Ugh! I knew it was likely
to happen…but that doesn’t mean I didn’t hope it would wait until Monday to
make its bloody arrival. So I prepared myself determined not to let that ruin
what was going to be a great run…and may have swallowed a couple ibuprofen just
to be on the safe side! I will not apologize for being blunt about my lady
business!! Yes, my uterine lining was in the process of shedding but I was
about to shed the weight of this run off of my shoulders. I was ready to prove
to myself what I could do.
David,
Erika and I headed to the Dallas Fair Grounds and made it there with about 30
minutes to spare before the run. So we decided to hit up the lovely
porta-potties before lining up for the run. We were in one line and then a lady
came to us and said, “Go over there there’s no line at all”…so we went “over
there” and yes, there was a line…so we waited a little more! As we were waiting
Erika pointed to a stall that looked like it was open and said, “Is there
anyone in there” I said I thought I had seen someone go in there but wasn’t
sure. Well another lady walked out of her stall, pulled open the other stall
that no one else was going into and said, “This one is open!” So Erika and David
went to a couple other stalls that had opened up and I went into the open one
and went about my business. I sat down, peed, cleaned up and as I pulled up my
pants I felt the most horrendous feeling...
Slightly
afraid I slowly drew my hand in front of my face and when I saw what was on my
hand I nearly barfed…but y’all already know how I feel about throwing up. On my
hand was poop…however, it was not my own poop…no it was the poop of some other
lovely individual that had so graciously left a load on the toilet seat for
me…and I, still adjusting the dawns early light somehow missed the fact that
there was a massive turd on the toilet seat when I sat down. I frantically
reached for the toilet paper (which thank heaven there was plenty in my stall)
and wiped away at my hand…I then looked at my underwear and panicked when I saw
the poop now all over my underwear. I cleaned it up as much as possible but
didn’t want to take my underwear off since I had just started my lovely menses!
Of course there was no hand sanitizer in my stall…so I had to go out and try
and seek help (after cleaning up as much as possible in the stall)!
I came
out of that stall slightly (extremely) fuming. I may have even said to Erika
and David as I walked towards them, “I’m so pissed right now, I literally just
sat in someone’s shit!” My lovely brother also brought to my attention the fact
that if I didn’t realize I sat in someone else’s stool then that meant that it was warm
enough that my body didn’t realize what had happened to it. UP-CHUCK NOISE
…Erika and David could already smell me...I told Erika I still had my underwear
on and didn’t know if I should take it off…she looked at my backside and lifted
up my shirt and said, “OH MY GOSH ITS ON YOUR PANTS!!!!” I was now about to
freaking lose it and so I decided I was going to take off my underwear. David
went to where the finish line was set up and asked a lovely lady if he could
get a water bottle…once he flashed his dashing smile her way well she melted and
handed him a bottle willingly. I then went into another stall, down the way
where no one was (clearly these were the stalls the prior lady had mentioned to
us...because there was no one around that area) and started the process of
taking off my shoes, my leggings, and then my underwear. I used the clean part
of my underwear as a washcloth to clean as much of my behind that I could with
the water David had retrieved for me. I washed my hand a little more but I
still reeked of the foul odor. I then threw my underwear into the great abyss
and set my water bottle on the toilet paper stand while I redressed. Of course, as I was dressing my water bottle fell and spilt all over my shoe and I was one
more tragedy away from losing it! Once I was redressed I used about a cup of
hand sanitizer but could not rid myself of the repulsive smell…so once I was
outside David poured the water for me to allow me to “wash” my hands which did
indeed take the odor away from my hands…but not from my butt!
I’m
fairly certain even the flies stayed away from me…you may think I’m
exaggerating for the sake of telling the story…but this poop smelt like
sickness…it smelt completely vulgar. Well...once I was as cleaned up as I could
be we had 2 minutes until the start so we snapped a quick selfie and jumped
into the middle of the coral…lucky for me I stunk so bad no one had any problem
clearing the way for me!!
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| pretty sure you can tell by David's smile he's a bit repulsed...hey on a quick side not we totally matched and didn't even coordinate that!! :D Sibling power!!! |
I
honestly don’t know how any of us are smiling (in the picture) at this point because up until
now it had been extremely traumatic…but we were still alive and I still had a
goal I wanted to accomplish!
I think
in a way it was “nice” that I had that experience because I literally had no
time to think about the run. I literally jumped in the line and they
started letting people go in waves…so without much thought we were off! The
first mile was awesome…and David looked at me and I saw the cautious look on
his face as he asked how I was doing and I said, “great!” Truth is…the poop
fueled my hate fire…and I stunk so bad I just wanted to be done so I could go
shower! The second mile also went really well…at one point David said he was
pulling in the reigns because I was a little over zealous with my pace and so
we slowed it down a bit. Starting the third mile I started to question myself a
little but did okay until about half way through the third mile. I started to
panic and pant and freak myself out. I saw this girl that I had been watching
and trying to keep up with just shoot ahead as she raced to the finish line…and
then it started. The voices that said, “you can’t do this…you’re a failure…just
walk…tap out now” But Erika caught on right away and said, “you’re doing great
keep going Maggie!” She told me I was almost there and said I couldn't quit now. But I didn’t believe her. I
started to fall behind and she said something along the lines of, “You’re as
strong as you chose to be in this moment…now go catch up with David…stop
panicking” I tried but started panting more and was telling myself lies and
lies and more lies…and then with about a quarter of a mile left Erika came next
to me and said, “finish what you started…now go…sprint…push it” and she gently
pushed me and I gave it everything I had and pushed my little stinky behind to
the finish line…and when I finished I wanted to puke and cry because I knew I
had done it. Without even looking at my watch I knew what I had accomplished!
My
official finish time: 28:54 with a pace of 9:18!! I didn’t just beat my goal of
a sub 30 I obliterated it!! Ha!! Poopy butt and all I did it!! And let me tell
you…victory never tasted so sweet!!
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| I believe that would be the face of: that just happened! |
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| I believe that would be the face of pure delight!! :D |
After we
enjoyed our celebratory brewski and took a post run selfie we started to head
home…Mostly because I couldn’t stand the way I smelt! I’m gagging now as I
write this because I can still smell that awful, nasty, disgusting odor in my
nostrils! However, before we left the park we took a group picture next to
woolly the mammoth thanks to a lovely lady whose picture I took before asking
her if she would take our picture…we would later meet her again!
 |
| Woolly the Mammoth! |
I went
home…showered…and David, bless his heart, washed my pants not once but
twice…just for good measure…and I made sure to scorch several layers of my skin
off in the hot water! Yuck! Well…at least I can say this: that was an
experience I will not soon forget! Hahaha!
After we
were all cleaned up we went to the Dallas Arboretum and enjoyed the blooming
tulips and lovely scenery that the Arboretum has to offer! Here are just a few
of the glorious sites we saw there:
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| It's tradition now that David and I take a picture in front of the kissing couple...AWKWARD!! :D |
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| Me and my soul sister! |
After a
glorious time at the Arboretum we made our way back to David and Elise’s where
we had our traditional pasta dinner!! Simply delicious meal that I forgot to
take a picture of…so you’ll have to use your imagination here! Pasta, with
veggies, sausage, a tomato sauce, and the taste of heaven…hope that was
descriptive enough for you to visualize! After dinner we started getting ready
for bed since we had a strict bedtime of 2100 knowing we had to be up bright
and early the next morning to catch the Dart to the start line!! However, my
darling brother kept me up by forcing me to help him assemble some homemade
tiramisu! Okay, he didn’t force me…he just looked at me with his sleepy, sweet,
puppy eyes and asked if I wanted to help him…and I said yes! :D But after that
we quickly hopped into bed…ready for what the next day had in store for us!!
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