Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Untold Stories of Dallas: 5K (part 3)

Let me just preface this post by saying readers discretion is advised!! :D

Saturday March 21, 2015:

I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed Saturday morning…and no, I’m not lying about being bright eyed and bushy tailed…I know it’s hard to believe but occasionally I enjoy waking up early in the morning!! :D I quickly dressed, drank some coffee, had a Greek yogurt, tried to expel human waste and instead only had the pleasure of finding out I had just started my period. Ugh! I knew it was likely to happen…but that doesn’t mean I didn’t hope it would wait until Monday to make its bloody arrival. So I prepared myself determined not to let that ruin what was going to be a great run…and may have swallowed a couple ibuprofen just to be on the safe side! I will not apologize for being blunt about my lady business!! Yes, my uterine lining was in the process of shedding but I was about to shed the weight of this run off of my shoulders. I was ready to prove to myself what I could do.

David, Erika and I headed to the Dallas Fair Grounds and made it there with about 30 minutes to spare before the run. So we decided to hit up the lovely porta-potties before lining up for the run. We were in one line and then a lady came to us and said, “Go over there there’s no line at all”…so we went “over there” and yes, there was a line…so we waited a little more! As we were waiting Erika pointed to a stall that looked like it was open and said, “Is there anyone in there” I said I thought I had seen someone go in there but wasn’t sure. Well another lady walked out of her stall, pulled open the other stall that no one else was going into and said, “This one is open!” So Erika and David went to a couple other stalls that had opened up and I went into the open one and went about my business. I sat down, peed, cleaned up and as I pulled up my pants I felt the most horrendous feeling...

Slightly afraid I slowly drew my hand in front of my face and when I saw what was on my hand I nearly barfed…but y’all already know how I feel about throwing up. On my hand was poop…however, it was not my own poop…no it was the poop of some other lovely individual that had so graciously left a load on the toilet seat for me…and I, still adjusting the dawns early light somehow missed the fact that there was a massive turd on the toilet seat when I sat down. I frantically reached for the toilet paper (which thank heaven there was plenty in my stall) and wiped away at my hand…I then looked at my underwear and panicked when I saw the poop now all over my underwear. I cleaned it up as much as possible but didn’t want to take my underwear off since I had just started my lovely menses! Of course there was no hand sanitizer in my stall…so I had to go out and try and seek help (after cleaning up as much as possible in the stall)!

I came out of that stall slightly (extremely) fuming. I may have even said to Erika and David as I walked towards them, “I’m so pissed right now, I literally just sat in someone’s shit!” My lovely brother also brought to my attention the fact that if I didn’t realize I sat in someone else’s stool then that meant that it was warm enough that my body didn’t realize what had happened to it. UP-CHUCK NOISE …Erika and David could already smell me...I told Erika I still had my underwear on and didn’t know if I should take it off…she looked at my backside and lifted up my shirt and said, “OH MY GOSH ITS ON YOUR PANTS!!!!” I was now about to freaking lose it and so I decided I was going to take off my underwear. David went to where the finish line was set up and asked a lovely lady if he could get a water bottle…once he flashed his dashing smile her way well she melted and handed him a bottle willingly. I then went into another stall, down the way where no one was (clearly these were the stalls the prior lady had mentioned to us...because there was no one around that area) and started the process of taking off my shoes, my leggings, and then my underwear. I used the clean part of my underwear as a washcloth to clean as much of my behind that I could with the water David had retrieved for me. I washed my hand a little more but I still reeked of the foul odor. I then threw my underwear into the great abyss and set my water bottle on the toilet paper stand while I redressed. Of course, as I was dressing my water bottle fell and spilt all over my shoe and I was one more tragedy away from losing it! Once I was redressed I used about a cup of hand sanitizer but could not rid myself of the repulsive smell…so once I was outside David poured the water for me to allow me to “wash” my hands which did indeed take the odor away from my hands…but not from my butt!

I’m fairly certain even the flies stayed away from me…you may think I’m exaggerating for the sake of telling the story…but this poop smelt like sickness…it smelt completely vulgar. Well...once I was as cleaned up as I could be we had 2 minutes until the start so we snapped a quick selfie and jumped into the middle of the coral…lucky for me I stunk so bad no one had any problem clearing the way for me!!

pretty sure you can tell by David's smile he's a bit repulsed...hey on a quick side not we totally matched and didn't even coordinate that!! :D Sibling power!!!

I honestly don’t know how any of us are smiling (in the picture) at this point because up until now it had been extremely traumatic…but we were still alive and I still had a goal I wanted to accomplish!

I think in a way it was “nice” that I had that experience because I literally had no time to think about the run. I literally jumped in the line and they started letting people go in waves…so without much thought we were off! The first mile was awesome…and David looked at me and I saw the cautious look on his face as he asked how I was doing and I said, “great!” Truth is…the poop fueled my hate fire…and I stunk so bad I just wanted to be done so I could go shower! The second mile also went really well…at one point David said he was pulling in the reigns because I was a little over zealous with my pace and so we slowed it down a bit. Starting the third mile I started to question myself a little but did okay until about half way through the third mile. I started to panic and pant and freak myself out. I saw this girl that I had been watching and trying to keep up with just shoot ahead as she raced to the finish line…and then it started. The voices that said, “you can’t do this…you’re a failure…just walk…tap out now” But Erika caught on right away and said, “you’re doing great keep going Maggie!” She told me I was almost there and said I couldn't quit now. But I didn’t believe her. I started to fall behind and she said something along the lines of, “You’re as strong as you chose to be in this moment…now go catch up with David…stop panicking” I tried but started panting more and was telling myself lies and lies and more lies…and then with about a quarter of a mile left Erika came next to me and said, “finish what you started…now go…sprint…push it” and she gently pushed me and I gave it everything I had and pushed my little stinky behind to the finish line…and when I finished I wanted to puke and cry because I knew I had done it. Without even looking at my watch I knew what I had accomplished!

My official finish time: 28:54 with a pace of 9:18!! I didn’t just beat my goal of a sub 30 I obliterated it!! Ha!! Poopy butt and all I did it!! And let me tell you…victory never tasted so sweet!!

I believe that would be the face of: that just happened!

I believe that would be the face of pure delight!! :D

After we enjoyed our celebratory brewski and took a post run selfie we started to head home…Mostly because I couldn’t stand the way I smelt! I’m gagging now as I write this because I can still smell that awful, nasty, disgusting odor in my nostrils! However, before we left the park we took a group picture next to woolly the mammoth thanks to a lovely lady whose picture I took before asking her if she would take our picture…we would later meet her again!

Woolly the Mammoth!
I went home…showered…and David, bless his heart, washed my pants not once but twice…just for good measure…and I made sure to scorch several layers of my skin off in the hot water! Yuck! Well…at least I can say this: that was an experience I will not soon forget! Hahaha!

After we were all cleaned up we went to the Dallas Arboretum and enjoyed the blooming tulips and lovely scenery that the Arboretum has to offer! Here are just a few of the glorious sites we saw there:

It's tradition now that David and I take a picture
in front of the kissing couple...AWKWARD!! :D

Me and my soul sister!

After a glorious time at the Arboretum we made our way back to David and Elise’s where we had our traditional pasta dinner!! Simply delicious meal that I forgot to take a picture of…so you’ll have to use your imagination here! Pasta, with veggies, sausage, a tomato sauce, and the taste of heaven…hope that was descriptive enough for you to visualize! After dinner we started getting ready for bed since we had a strict bedtime of 2100 knowing we had to be up bright and early the next morning to catch the Dart to the start line!! However, my darling brother kept me up by forcing me to help him assemble some homemade tiramisu! Okay, he didn’t force me…he just looked at me with his sleepy, sweet, puppy eyes and asked if I wanted to help him…and I said yes! :D But after that we quickly hopped into bed…ready for what the next day had in store for us!!

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