Last night I had to destroy a bag of captain crunch cereal. It was calling my name and I panicked! As I have shared before, motivation is but a fleeting moment and must be seized right away...so I took my bag of captain crunch, went to my kitchen sink, ran water into the bag so that even after it was thrown away I couldn't go back and reclaim it later. Yeah, I'm not ashamed...I will 100% go dumpster diving in my own trash can. Hence the need to literally destroy the food so that it could not be consumed at a later time when my determination was not so strong and I reached for it out of the trash can! It felt good to do that!
Today was a great day (I have to make sure to go straight to bed after writing this to ensure I don't spoil it by doing something stupid). Today I did not eat a single piece of chocolate at work!! I had 2 german nougats from a coworker...but that is it. There were multiple times where I went to reach for a chocolate and had to slap my hand away, say to myself, "don't panic, breath, take a slow deep breath, you don't need that, drink water." Staying hydrated is great; it's also a real inconvenience! I had to pee (like a normal person) 8 times today! I know this certainly helped me in avoiding chocolates.
I realized today how habitual my chocolate eating has become. I will literally grab for it like clock work.I told one of my coworkers today at work that I felt like an alcoholic in a bar or liquor store. "Hi, my name is Maggie, and I'm a chocoholic." Everything chocolate screamed my name today: chocolate covered raisins, twix, milky way, 3 musketeers...there were cupcakes, bagels, chips and dip, punch...it all was calling my precious nickname: "Magelicious you know you want me!" To which I replied, "Heck yes I want you, but my thighs don't, my stomach doesn't, and you're not going to satisfy me...so start stepping...bye!" (I hope you ready that in a valley girl accent)
It's going to take a while to break this habit but I know that it will be completely worth it in the long run. This doesn't mean I won't ever eat chocolate. It's all about portion control...however, at this exact moment, I don't have portion control! Until that time comes I'm going to try to continue to say no to the sweets. If it is planned and accounted for in my calories then I'm okay with me having it...but this constant grabbing and snacking has got to stop.
I'm exhausted...but I feel good. I'm pressing on! Its these little decisions that add up in the long run. I know I will have the same temptations in front of me tomorrow and it will be just as much of a struggle. They're always going to be there. I know it'll get easier...but I also anticipate it getting harder before it gets easier...and that's okay. It's where I'm at....but not where I'm going to stay. With that being said...I shall bid you all a goodnight and leave you with a post-workout selfie!
|Just finished my post-workout snack:|
Broccoli salad & Almonds w/ dried cranberries