Thankful doesn't even begin to describe it...

One year ago I was 300 pounds. I spent last Thanksgiving in Florida after having spent a week in Dallas/San Antonio cheering David on as he crushed (the ridiculously hot/humid) San Antonio Rock 'N Roll Half Marathon. I had lost (and gained) the same 20 pounds over and over going back and forth between 300 and 320 pounds. People always ask me what snapped...or what my catalyst was that caused me to finally decide to lose the weight. I wish I had an extravagant "ahhh ha" moment that I could share with y'all...but the truth is it gradually came on. What I do know, however, is that my trip to Texas/Florida was the turning point for me. I had just watched David run the Half Marathon and was so full of pride, excitement, joy, and jealousy (if I'm being honest). I wanted to know what it felt like to complete something that challenged your body..I wanted to feel pride in myself for accomplishing something few attempt.

Me (300 lbs), David, and Elise after Dave finished his San Antonio Half Marathon!

Then when I went to Florida on Thanksgiving day me, Erika, Drew, my darling nephews, David, and Elise all went on our own Turkey Trot run...I couldn't run then entire way...really I had to walk more than I could run...but my sisters were by my side encouraging me and lifting me up (even though I was so embarrassed that I could hardly run for more than a couple minutes at a time without having to stop and catch my breath). I saw the changes that running had made in my sister, Erika's life...both physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually...and I wanted that for me too. 

I recall a conversation I had with my sister one evening while I was in Florida. She was sitting and I was laying on the couch with my head in her lap and I told her how I just wished I could lose the weight for good...that I was tired of struggling and I wanted to make a change...and not just say it...but really do it. I, of course, started crying. She just held me and told me, "you can, and when you're ready you will!" and she then prayed with me and held me. 

Erika, Elise, and Me (296.7 pounds)

Erika, Me, and David 11/30/13

Then on the drive with David and Elise back to Dallas I opened up to David about my weight and my struggle with my weight. I actually told him how much I weighed! I had weighed myself in Florida and was excited because I was below 300 and at 296.7 pounds! David asked me if I had looked at how many calories I would have to consume on a daily basis to maintain the current weight I was at...which I had..and guess what? I was consuming at least 3,000 calories, daily to maintain the 300 pounds that I was at! We just talked about the mathematical part of weight loss....he said even if I decreased my calorie intake and didn't exercise I could start losing weight.

I had these conversations with my siblings...but I wasn't sure if I believed in myself...but something had changed. I didn't necessarily have to believe in myself...I just had to count my calories and move more. So. I got home from my Thanksgiving vacation and decided that I was going to give it a try...and I started to see the scale decrease. Then I started to do Zumba and then I started to walk...and then I started to run (very very slowly)..and then I walked some more because I was embarrassed of myself when I ran...and then I decided I didn't care what others thought so I ran anyways...and changes started to happen. 

I've said this before and I will say it again..motivation will last only for a fleeting moment. If you're looking for motivation you can find it anywhere and everywhere...but it doesn't last. What does last, however, is determination. You have to decide if you're worth making the changes. You have to decide if this is something that you can live with for the rest of your life...this is not a temporary change, this is not a quick fix...this is a life long deal! I have not made changes to my diet, to my lifestyle etc that I am not okay with living with for the rest of my life. Your friends and family can want you to lose weight...David and Erika wanted me to be successful...they knew I could be successful...but they couldn't do it for me. They could motivate me and encourage me...but they couldn't make my mind up for me to go out and run. They couldn't force me to eat less calories...they couldn't force me to put down the spoon when I was binging on ice cream. I had to decide it all for myself...and that's the biggest challenge when it comes to weight loss. Every day is a struggle. Every day I have to consciously decide to make wise decisions...and when I don't make wise decisions...when I binge or slack off...I have to decide to get back on track.

It's not easy..but what I can say is that thankful doesn't even begin to describe the way it feels when you succeed. I'm beyond thankful for Erika and David for believing in me. I'm thankful for my parents and siblings that have encouraged me, motivated me, and believed in me when I didn't believe in myself. I'm thankful for the love my friends and family showed me when I didn't love myself. I'm thankful for the hands that have held my hand when I've felt afraid, alone, and frightened. I'm thankful for the tissues that have been handed to me to dry my tears. I'm thankful for the relationship with food I have, it's complicated...but we're working things out! :D I'm so thankful for running and what it has taught me about life. Running has taught me that I'm stronger than I think, that even when I feel like I can't go any farther..I can push and go farther than I could've imagined. Running has taught me that if you're feeling breathless it's probably because you're not breathing...breathe! 

So if you're feeling like you don't think you can tackle whatever you may be struggling with...well I can tell you until I'm blue in the face that you can...and you will...but not until you're ready. Not until you've decided that you are going to...not until you're determined to see it through to the end. So with that being said I'll share some awesome pictures of me and my sisters from this mornings Turkey Trot! It was the perfect morning for a 5k and I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else! The tutus were a hit...we were complimented on them frequently! I'm so proud of Olivia and Amanda for how far they've come. It was also fun today to have my step-sister, Larissa join us on our run today! My dad and his wife also completed the 5k!! It was a wonderful morning! So ready or not...here come the pictures:

Pre-Race: Olivia, Amanda, Me

Less than 0.2 miles left!! Me, Amanda, Larissa, and Olivia

Larissa, Olivia, Amanda, Me!!! <3

Me and my dad...proud of him!

Dad, Laura, Larissa, Me, Amanda, Olivia

Larissa, Me, Amanda, and Olivia!! Good time girls...good time!

Hiney picture!! Hahaha

Sassy Sisters! <3

You know you wanna run with us!

Amanda and the AWESOME Brooks bag of goodies she won!

We may have had a little fun taking pictures this morning!

Selfie time...

Results of the selfie!!

Awesome Amanda

Outstanding Olivia!

Magnificent Maggie 

Marvelous Momma!

Okay I'll stop there with the pictures...not that I don't have more to share...but I know there's only so much that others desire to see! :) I hope you all had a great day with loved ones...I hope you enjoyed the food...enjoyed the company...and enjoyed this post! Happy Thanksgiving! 

*and don't forget how much can change in a year when you put you set your mind to tackle a challenge...you're stronger than you feel...and you are worth the fight*